Wednesday, November 5, 2008

My Cross

Complainingly I told myself,

"This cross is too heavy to wear"
And I wondered discontentedly
Why God gave it to me to bear.

And I looked with envy at others
Whose crosses seemed lighter than mine
And wished that I could change my cross
For one of a lighter design.

And then, in a dream, I beheld the cross
I impulsively wanted to wear,
It was fashioned of pearls & diamonds
And gems that were precious & rare.

And when I hung it around my neck
The weight of the jewels & the gold
Was much too heavy & cumbersome
For my small, slender neck to hold--

So I tossed it aside & before my eyes
Was a cross of rose-red flowers
And I said with delight as I put it on,
"This cross I can wear for hours"

For it was so dainty & fragile,
So lovely & light & thin,
But I had forgotten about the thorns
That started to pierce my skin

And then in my dream I saw "my cross,"
Rugged & old & plain,
That clumsy old cross I had looked upon
With discontented disdain--

And at last I knew that God had made
This "special cross for me"
For God in His great wisdom knew
What I before could not see,

That often the loveliest crosses
Are the heaviest crosses to bear,
For only God is wise enough
To choose the cross we can wear

So never complain about your cross
For your cross has been blest
God made it just for you to wear
And remember, God knows best!


(MOP, Trials and Triumphs, 506)

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Just wanna be with you

17/07/08


Vs 1

You don’t see it’s not about me

It’s not about what you’re saying

I couldn’t care less of the way you were dressed

Or of the game that you’re playing


Vs 2

It doesn’t really matter what walks under the ladder

It’s not about who’s right or wrong

The way that you smile and make life worthwhile

Is the reason I’m singing this song


Chorus

I just wanna be with you

I don’t care where we go

Or what we do

I just wanna be with you

Be by your side

For all my life

I just wanna be with you


Vs 3

I know that you think you gotta be great

And some kind of cool superstar

But all that I want is all that I see

Just you and the wonder you are


Vs 4

So please just stop trying to figure me out

And think you can read what I feel

Stop trying to flaunt, it’s you that I want

It’s you that I want, you’re for real.






Monday, September 29, 2008

Loneliness

23/11/07













This gift that You give me and say to cherish
It's old and it's dusty
and seems a bit rusty
I will not take it; I swear I will perish
It's wrapped in pain
with blood it's stained

I feel so alone and nobody's home
No one to hold me and say
It's all gonna be okay
Then You knock on my door
and taking my hand,
"Just kneel, I'll stand. 'Cause only I can."

I guess that I chose this and pleaded for You
To promise You'd hold me and make me stay true
So now that You break me and take all of me
Though crying, I'm trying
to need only Thee

I find You, in the silence
I find You, when I can't find myself
I find that I need You,
and not much else
Please take it all, except
This gift, I'll accept

Thursday, September 18, 2008

It is Love

10-09-08














I know what you’re thinking

You don’t see the reason

The reason for why we’re here

Why do we have to fight?

Why do we have to suffer?

Why do we have to see our loved ones die?


Your every day

In this existence

You feel like you’re just spinning

around and around

and every day you’re falling closer and closer

closer to the ground


Listen to me when I say

I felt just like you

Until I found the reason

Until I found the truth

of why we’re here

And is it Love


You can’t help but crying

Alone in your dark corner

But I’m not teasing, I’m not lying

When I tell you plainly Love has come

And it is here for you, and for me

And it is Love


The hardest thing you’ll ever do

Is to believe that it is true

To believe that love can change you

And it can change this hell on earth

For this I live and I am worth

And it is Love


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

He's Beautiful

10-09-08












Verse 1:

He’s beautiful

And he’s dangerous

He doesn’t know

The way that I feel

He’s all I want

And all I’ll never have

What he doesn’t know

Could never be


Chorus:

And I’ll hide this part of me

And I’ll try not to be seen

And I’ll smile on the outside

Keep him on the far side

Of me

Of what could never be


Verse 2:

I wonder though

How strong I am

If he’d only know

The way that I feel

How far I’d go

To end up all alone

It’s why I keep

These feelings to me


(Repeat Chorus)


Verse 3:

One day I’ll say

When he looks my way

One day he’ll know

How it makes me feel

And anything he says

Stays up in my head

These memories

A part of me

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

In My Mind

08/09/08














Verse 1:

These thoughts that I’ve got

More often than not

Fighting a duel

Inside my mind, raging unkind,

And more often than not,

I play the fool.

The people who know cannot help me.

The people who care cannot help me.

The people who can do not help me.

The point and the truth I can’t find.


Chorus:

Maybe it’s this way for a reason.

Maybe the reason is the way I am.

Maybe I’m meant to think for a thousand,

and maybe this curse is a gift in my hand.


Verse 2:

The doubts and questions that fill up my mind

and never seem to let go of me,

are the stones of the bridge ‘cross the ocean of life,

and force me to search to be free.

The people who know cannot help me.

The people who care cannot help me.

The people who can do not help me.

The point and the truth I can’t find.


Chorus:

Maybe it’s this way for a reason.

Maybe the reason is the way I am.

Maybe I’m meant to think for a thousand,

and maybe this curse is a gift in my hand.


Verse 3:

Then you tell me the way I’m meant to be free

And you show me the truth through the lies

In your eyes shines the light on my dark mystery

Now I know where I’ll go when I die

If I take every thought and the doubts that surround me

and drown them with thoughts from above,

I’ll find the peace in the storms, I just know it

and the Hands that possess me with love.


Chorus:

Now I know it’s this way for a reason.

And the reason is the way I am.

You show me the pathway right through the darkness,

And you take me by holding my hand.

Monday, September 8, 2008

A Different Road

28/07/08


Verse One:

I’ll be fine to get out and breathe again

It feels like forever holding it all in

I thought I’d found my road and calling for eternity

But now

All I knew and everything around me’s falling


Chorus:

I just wanna break out and be

That someone that You saw inside of me

I’m free

Open my eyes

So I may see

The broken pieces made anew from me


Verse Two:

The steady paces taken to the final cross

And all those faces of the dying and the lost

The changes breaking everything I’ve ever known

And I

Am trusting You to guide me ever safely Home


Chorus:

I just wanna break out and be

That someone that You saw inside of me

I’m free

Open my eyes

So I may see

The broken pieces made anew from me


Bridge:

And it’s been good, and it’s been right, to walk the easy way

I’ll never trade the memories we’ve made from yesterday

But I know now, it’s clearer now, You’ve opened up my eyes

Until I fall, and lose it all, I’m never gonna rise


Chorus:

I just wanna break out and be

That someone that You saw inside of me

I’m free

Open my eyes

So I may see

The broken pieces made anew from me


Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I wanna be loved...

14-03-08












Chorus:

I wanna be loved by You

I wanna be everything You do

I wanna be loved by You

I wanna be loved by You


Verse One:

Should have seen him standing at the door

Should have known he never wanted more

Maybe it’s the best thing to be free

But I’m hurting on the inside, paining me


Repeat Chorus:

I wanna be loved by You

I wanna be everything You do

I wanna be loved by You

Only loved by You


Verse Two:

I handed him my heart and all I had

I asked him if he cared to be my man

But Baby, You were wiser over me

You took it all away and said I’ll see


Repeat Chorus:

I wanna be loved by You

I wanna be everything You do

I wanna be loved by You

Only loved by You


Verse Three:

We’re passing through the darkest times ahead

I’m counting on the hope and all You said

To know that You’ll be everything I need

Is strength enough to rise, deliver me


Bridge:

And if I get close, and lose my smile

Please hold on to this heart that wants to die

I had to let it go, it took a while

I wanted You to know the reason why


Repeat Chorus 3 times

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

How true...


"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person." -Chuck Palahniuk

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Just Cling

07/04/08

If every day I took as my last
and all those rainy days of my past
a step a little closer to my due
a blessing colored by another hue

If every time I hurt and let go
and hid behind a smile, a show
a way to just forgive and say I'm sorry
a rainbow after storms of old sad stories

And I
I'm done with knowing everything
and all I want to do is cling
to You
You say that all I have to do
is leave it all and
Just love You.
You.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Piano Teacher

Here is my favorite Guideposts story on a mother's love.

I remember we read it together one quiet evening in the Home, and even though I had heard it before that reading, this time stuck in my memory most. One of my friends had lost her mother to cancer when she was a young teenager. The, no doubt, numerous physical and emotional struggles she had to face and go through in the consequent years, while still maintaining a calm composure and being the eldest sibling to her 7 younger brothers and sisters, could have hardened her and made her cold. But her mother had obviously loved deeply and had passed on that love to her children before making her journey Home. The kind of mother's love that motivates and strengthens, that reaches out and believes, that heals. My friend's perseverance and determination to go on and keep touching others' lives in love, the way her mother touched hers, has changed me in a way I'll never forget. That night, on Mother's Day, she read this story to us:

The Piano Teacher

By Mildred Hondorf

I've always supplemented my income by teaching piano lessons-something I've done for over 30 years. Over the years I found that children have many levels of musical ability. I've never had the pleasure of having a protégé, though I have taught some talented students. However, I've also had my share of what I call "musically challenged" pupils. One such student was Robby. Robby was 11 years old when his mother, a single mom, dropped him off for his first piano lesson. I prefer that students begin at an earlier age, which I explained to Robby.

But Robby said that it had always been his mother's dream to hear him play the piano. So I took him as a student. Well, Robby began with his piano lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavor. As much as Robby tried, he lacked the sense of tone and basic rhythm needed to excel. But he dutifully reviewed his scales and some elementary pieces that I require all my students to learn.

Over the months he tried and tried, while I listened and cringed and tried to encourage him. At the end of each weekly lesson he'd always say, "My mom's going to hear me play someday."

But it seemed hopeless. He just did not have any inborn ability. I only knew his mother from a distance as she dropped Robby off or waited in her aged car to pick him up. She always waved and smiled but never stopped in.

Then one day Robby stopped coming to our lessons. I thought about calling him but assumed, because of his lack of ability, that he had decided to pursue something else. I also was glad that he stopped coming. He was a bad advertisement for my teaching!

Several weeks later I mailed to the students' homes a flyer on the upcoming recital. To my surprise Robby (who received a flyer) asked me if he could be in the recital. I told him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped out he really did not qualify.

He said that his mom had been sick and unable to take him to piano lessons, but he was still practicing. "Miss Hondorf, I've just got to play!" he insisted. I don't know what led me to allow him to play in the recital. Maybe it was his persistence, or maybe it was something inside of me saying that it would be all right.

The night for the recital came. The high school gymnasium was packed with parents, friends, and relatives. I put Robby up last in the program, before I was to come up and thank all the students and play a finishing piece. I thought that any damage he would do would come at the end of the program and I could always salvage his poor performance through my "curtain closer."

Well, the recital went off without a hitch. The students had been practicing and it showed. Then Robby came up on stage. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked like he had run an eggbeater through it. Why didn't he dress up like the other students? I thought. Why didn't his mother at least make him comb his hair for this special night?

Robby pulled out the piano bench and he began. I was surprised when he announced that he had chosen Mozart's Concerto #21 in C Major. I was not prepared for what I heard next. His fingers were light on the keys; they even danced nimbly on the ivories. He went from pianissimo to fortissimo, from allegro to virtuoso. His suspended chords that Mozart demands were magnificent! Never had I heard Mozart played so well by a person his age.

After six and a half minutes he ended in a grand crescendo and everyone was on their feet in wild applause. Overcome and in tears I ran up on stage and put my arms around Robby in joy. "I've never heard you play like that, Robby! How'd you do it?"

Through the microphone Robby explained: "Well, Miss Hondorf, remember I told you my mom was sick? Well, actually she had cancer and passed away this morning. And, well,” he paused. “… She was born deaf, so tonight was the first time she ever heard me play. I wanted to make it special."

There wasn't a dry eye in the house that evening. As the people from Social Services led Robby from the stage to be placed into foster care, I noticed that even their eyes were red and puffy. I thought to myself how much richer my life had been for taking Robby as my pupil.

No, I've never had a prodigy, but that night I became a protégé of Robby's. He was the teacher and I was the pupil. For it is he who taught me the meaning of perseverance and love and believing in yourself and maybe even taking a chance on someone when you don't know why.

We all have countless opportunities each day to help realize God's plan. So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass up that opportunity, and leave the world a bit colder in the process? Or do we pass along a spark of the divine?


The Crown

Jesus has a beautiful crown for each of us, and it's not just a crown we decide to take or leave when we're facing our earthly deaths or if we're called to martyrdom.
It's a crown we decide we want every single day of our lives.
It's a crown we've got to be willing to fight for, even if by faith alone.
It's a crown we choose to sacrifice for, because we're convinced in our hearts that it's worth it and we know Jesus is counting on us.
Holding on to our crowns is not a decision we make just once in our lives. Each and every day we've got to say‚ "Yes, I want my crown. I'm not going to deny my faith, but I'm going to give my all, whatever it takes!"

Monday, March 31, 2008

There is Much Pain...

There is much pain, but someday there will be much reward.
There is much sacrifice, but someday there will be much glory.
There is much heartache, but someday there will be much comfort.
There is much confusion and much doubt, but someday you will see Me face to face.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Don't Quit!

Author unknown

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you frown a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst, that you must not quit.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Conscience free...









I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know,
I want to be able, as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don’t want to stand, with the setting sun,
And hate myself for things I have done.

I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself, as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.

I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all men’s respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf
I want to be able to like myself.
I don’t want to look at myself and know
That I’m bluster and bluff and empty show.

I can never hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know;
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Smiling


Smiling because I know you are too

Frowning because I hoped you would understand

Crying because you left me here alone

Laughing because I know that God is good




Smiling because you’re here for always

Frowning because I wish that it were true

Crying because you make me feel so helpless

Laughing because I know that life is fair


Smiling through my teary eyes

Frowning through the pain

Crying through the truth and lies

Laughing through the rain


Written 28/02/08

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

I want to be...

a loving teacher
a speedy help
a level head
a welcome distraction
a tidy mind
a listening ear
a shoulder to cry on
a genuine friend

I pray to be...
strong in You
weak in myself
sincere in my praise
silent in my criticisms
impartial in my love for others
biased towards You
content in Your Will
dissatisfied with mediocrity
dead to myself
alive in You
more like You

I hope to be...
counted on
smiled about
looked to
trusted in
sought after
thought of
prayed for
remembered well


27/02/08

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I loved you because...

...you were real.



I loved you because you made me smile, for real.
I loved you because when I was with you I couldn't think of myself.
I loved you because when I wasn't with you all I could think about was you.
I loved you for what you cared about
and I loved you for what you helped me to care about.

I loved you because I was naive.

I love you now for what you are.
I love you now for what you have made me to be.

And when I feel like giving up
And when I can't make sense of anything
And when nothing heals the aching wound
When hope is dashed, and dreams are smashed
It's because you're not here anymore
and because I've grown up.


Life isn't always like that,
Life isn't always filled with you,
But I still thank God for the times I did love you
because it was those times that changed who I was supposed to become.

Don't worry, I'll get over you.
Just give me time.
And love me anyway.

I will love you indefinitely,
and I'll swear on that.


Written April 30, 2006

Monday, February 18, 2008

Disappear

10-04-07

Vs 1:

I never saw those eyes

Those lips that say I love you so

And smile as I ask you why

I never thought it’d be

Your hand I want to hold, to feel

Your shy kiss say goodbye


Chorus:

Cuz you’re all I ever think of

Though I didn’t know your name

And I’m standing on the brink of

Going crazily insane

Tell me that I’m not mistaken

I know angels sent you here

And I wonder can I touch you

Or will you disappear?


Vs 2:

I never knew if you

Were here or there or not to me

A boy, a man, a mystery

I never felt so free

My heartbeat racing, hoping still

Wake up, leave me amazing


Bridge:

Get out of my mind

Before I make you real

Extraordinary fine

Is how you make me feel


Monday, January 14, 2008

Forgive Me

29-10-07

I can never do right by you
There's always more you need from me
I'll never be right for you
I wish that you would only see

I cannot devote to you
And hide myself from what is me
I'll travel the road with you
But understand that I am free

And if I never am your forever
I hope you can forgive me

I know you won't understand
But I'm trying to reach you
You let go of my hand
You think I don't need you

I'm not that complicated
I'm not trying to teach you
I don't think we're fated
But I do think I need you

And if I never am your forever
I hope you can forgive me

This is Love

To love when it hurts and hold on through the worst
To blindly believe and let others receive
To comfort deny and never ask why
This is trust

To humbly say sorry and give others the glory
To kindly give help and not think of yourself
To smile and try, when all you want is to cry
This is humility

To find those who have loss and carry their cross
To laugh despite pain and never complain
To know the best way to care is to pray
This is love

--Written December 3, 2007