Calling You

Blue October 

(I love you, Babes...more than you know. Thanks for always calling me...) 

There's something that I can't quite explain

I'm so in love with you

You'll never take that away

And if I said a hundred times before

Expect a thousand more

You'll never take that away

Well, expect me to be

Calling you to see

If you're okay when I'm not around

Asking if you love me

I love the way you make it sound

Calling you to see

Do I try too hard to make you smile

To make a smile?

Well I will keep calling you to see

If you're sleeping, are you dreaming? And

If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?

I can't believe

You actually picked...me

I thought that the world had lost its way

(It's so hard sometimes)

Then I fell in love with you

(Then came you)

And you took that away

(It's not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)

You take away the old

Show me the new

And I feel like I can fly

When I stand next to you

So what if I'm on this phone

A hundred miles from home

I take the words you gave

And send them back to you

I only want to see

If you're okay when I'm not around

Asking if you love me

I love the way you make it sound

Calling you to see

Do I try too hard to make you smile

To make a smile?

I will keep calling you to see

If you're sleeping, are you dreaming? And

If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?

I can't believe

You actually picked...me

A Christmas Wish

December 25, 2009

If I could only have one wish

For this merry Christmas night

I couldn't pick a single one

That alone would justify

I'd wish for peace to come to all

And pain to melt away

But I'd also wish for love and truth

On this Christmas day

I'd wish for lively fun and joy

Ten thousand bells to ring

I'd wish for laughter to be heard

And the herald angels sing

But I'd also wish for quieter times

To reflect upon this day

For time to think on why we're here

For men to learn to pray

I'd wish that all could find the hope

That trusting in Him brings

Instead of worry, hate and fear

Instead of trusting things

And I'd wish that those we love could know

How much it means to me

To be together on this day

To be a family

And in a few more years to come

I'd wish that we could smile

When thinking back upon this day

And linger there awhile

If I could only have one wish

For this merry Christmas night

I couldn't pick a single one

That alone would justify...


Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The Boy Who Changed My Christmases Forever

This story really touched me, so I'd like to share it with you:

By John London

      I hurried into the local department store to grab some last-minute Christmas gifts. I looked at all the people and grumbled to myself. I would be in here forever and I just had so much to do. Christmas was beginning to become such a drag. I kinda wished that I could just sleep through Christmas. But I hurried the best I could through all the people to the toy department. Once again I mumbled to myself at the prices of all these toys and wondered if the grandkids would even play with them.

      I found myself in the doll aisle. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a little boy about five holding a lovely doll. He kept touching her hair and he held her so gently. I could not seem to help myself. I just kept looking over at the little boy and wondered who the doll was for. I watched him turn to a woman he called his aunt and say, “Are you sure I don’t have enough money?” She replied a bit impatiently, “You know that you don’t have enough money for it.” The aunt told the little boy not to go anywhere; that she had to go get some other things and would be back in a few minutes. And then she left the aisle. The boy continued to hold the doll.

      After a bit I asked the boy who the doll was for. He said, “It is the doll my sister wanted so badly for Christmas. She just knew that Santa would bring it.” I told him that maybe Santa was going to bring it. He said “No, Santa can’t go where my sister is … I have to give the doll to my momma to take to her.” I asked him where his sister was.

      He looked at me with the saddest eyes and said, “She has gone to be with Jesus. My daddy says that Momma is going to have to go be with her.” My heart nearly stopped beating. Then the boy looked at me again and said, “I told Daddy to tell Momma not to go yet. I told him to tell her to wait till I got back from the store.” Then he asked me if I wanted to see his picture. I told him I would love to. He pulled out some pictures he’d had taken at the front of the store. He said, “I want my momma to take this with her so she won’t ever forget me. I love my momma so very much and I wish she didn’t have to leave me, but Daddy says she will need to be with my sister.”

      I saw that the little boy had lowered his head and had grown so very quiet. While he was not looking, I reached into my purse and pulled out a handful of bills. I asked the little boy, “Shall we count that money one more time?” He grew excited and said, “Yes, I just know it has to be enough.” So I slipped my money in with his and we began to count it.

      Of course, it was plenty for the doll. He softly said, “Thank You Jesus for giving me enough money.” Then the boy said, “I just asked Jesus to give me enough money to buy this doll so Momma can take it with her to give to my sister, and He heard my prayer. I wanted to ask Him for enough to buy my momma a white rose, but I didn’t ask Him; but He’s given me enough to buy the doll and a rose for Momma! She loves white roses so very, very much.”

      In a few minutes the aunt came back and I wheeled my cart away. I could not keep from thinking about the little boy as I finished my shopping in a totally different spirit than when I had started. I kept remembering a story I had seen in the newspaper several days earlier about a drunk driver hitting a car and killing a little girl and the mother was in serious condition. The family was deciding on whether to remove the life support. Surely this little boy did not belong with that story.

      Two days later I read in the paper that the family had disconnected the life support and the young woman had died. I couldn’t forget the little boy and just kept wondering if the two were somehow connected. Later that day, I couldn’t help myself, I went out and bought some white roses and took them to the funeral home where the young woman was. There she was, holding a lovely white rose, the beautiful doll, and the picture of the little boy in the store.

      I left there in tears, my life changed forever. The love that little boy had for his little sister and his mother was overwhelming. “We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.”

Blurry

Puddle of Mudd

(One of my favorite songs...)



And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
And everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I'll protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what your doing?
Imagine where you are?
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Chorus:
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
There's no one left that's real
To make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
'Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

And you could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I will save you
From all of the unclean
I wonder what your doing?
I wonder where you are?
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Repeat Chorus:
This pain you gave to me

Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you when to runaway
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you when to runaway

Repeat Chorus:
This pain you gave to me
No this pain you gave to me
This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away
Explain again to me
You take it all away
Explain again to me
Take it all away
Explain again
Explain again
Explain again

You

01-12-09

I sat down today to write something of you
It had to be done, I said to myself
If someone like you could fill up my thoughts
And push all else out, without any help

Then certainly much could be said of this someone
Whose voice makes my heart jump, and blushes my face
Whose smile stops my breathing, and freezes my throat
Whose eyes tell a story I cannot erase

You make me feel as if no one else matters
It's hard to believe why you'd even care
About someone like me, a nothing, a splatter
I think that you love me, do I even dare?

To dream that one day I’ll call you my own
My own special someone, the half of my heart
And every day wake up beside you alone
To stay here for always, and never depart

And if this is all just a very good dream

And if it’s a lie, I don’t know what I’d do

Maybe every girl says this, and so it’s cliché

You’re one in a billion, there’s no one like you

I sat down today to write something of you
It had to be done, I said to myself
Although I am selfish, you know that it's true
I think that the whole world should know about you

"Tis the Season"

Ha, I just found this poem assignment in my school portfolio transcripts from 5th grade. I think I was about 11 years old. I was meant to write about "my favorite season". So cute. :)


"Tis the Season"

From mid-September to late November
A certain season takes control
One of splendor, color, hue
It's beauty warms the soul

I must confess it holds me rapt
Within its wondrous spell
And every time I ponder this
The world I want to tell!

"What is it that you love so much?"
I almost hear you say,
"It's nothing but a bunch of leaves
to pick up day by day!"

I'd have to state to answer that
There's much more to this time of year
Than leaves to gather and collect
The list I'll queue here:

I love the feeling that you get
When wind blows through your curls
When God feels close and personal
His gentleness unfurls

Pumpkin pie and turkey too
Of just the thought I savor
Thanksgiving dinner on the menu
To Autumn adds some flavor

And another explanation
For why I think Fall's fine
It hosts a celebration
Someone's birthday - mine!

It signals also the end of summer
And trades that for a breeze
And on top of all of those excuses
I simply love the tint of trees!

Hurt

"Sometimes you can hurt yourself more by trying to keep yourself from being hurt."

--Francine Rivers “Redeeming Love”

Daddy's Little Girl

03-10-09













A tiny girl
Began to cry
You saw my tears
I tried to hide
You scooped me up
And sat me down
And found a smile
Under my frown
You cracked a joke
Then two or three
And made me laugh
Upon your knee

In calmer tones
You told the way
To live my life
From day to day
Without a care
Because much more
Than your strong arms
Are the good Lord’s
On that short chat
I’ve built my life
It always works
I’ve proved you’re right

And I could never
Be more glad
To know you're mine
To call you ‘Dad’

Happy Birthday Daddy! You're the best and I love you!!

Save Me

08-06-09
















When you love someone but it goes to waste
Can you find some place to hide your shame
And if this song inside my soul
Cannot break out and breathe
You cannot save me
You cannot save me

When you thought you knew but never did
Can you take it all away instead
And if this mind inside my head
Cannot true itself be
You cannot save me
You cannot save me

If you're not the one...

Intense and scary, Hun, but still...sweet. Thank you for this. I love and miss you heaps and heaps! :( Hope to see you soon...

Keeping the Vision

Just a little girl...

“I’m amazed at what God sees when He looks at me. He looks not at what’s on the outside, but what’s inside, tucked beneath the folds of my self-righteousness. There in the dark recesses of my soul is an awkward little girl, longing to be loved and adored.”

--Cheri Cowell

Believe In

August 22, 2009

Vs 1

It's been a hundred miles
times a thousand days
That you've been running round
chasing come what may
And always out of reach
is exactly what you seek
Blinded by the mess
that you became

You are perishing
without a goal to reach
And how can you pretend

to live just what you preach?
When all you see around

are chains that hold you down

Tomorrow turns into

eternity

Chorus

Well hey, what do you believe in?

Is He still real to you?

Hold on, to just what you believe in

He’s still real to me

Don’t lose the only thing

that makes us be

Vs 2

I am here to hear

just what you have to say

But I’m not gonna let you

throw it all away

I know you know you’re right

Controlled by your own mind

The faith you knew now has

a different name

Even if you have

a better path to find

One that’s filled with riches

and with peace of mind

You’ll end up chasing just

what you think you must

Until you’re back to pay

The fiddler’s dust

Well hey, what do you believe in?

Is He still real to you?

Hold on, to just what you believe in

He’s still real to me

Don’t lose the only thing

that makes us be

Bridge

As long as I’m still standing here

Up to my knees in mud

As long as I’m still fighting here

For that phantom we call love

You’ve got a place beside me here

That no one satisfies

You’ve got a life to rescue here

And a faith that never dies

Well hey, what do you believe in?

Is He still real to you?

Hold on, to just what you believe in

He’s still real to me

Don’t lose the only thing

that makes us be

Well hey, what do you believe in?

The Waves

July 16, 2009

Verse 1

I feel You beside me

I know that You guide me

Even when I’m in the dark

I know that You told me

You’re here to hold me

You promised the faith for my heart

Chorus

And when the waves, they roar

And when I fear that Your

Will is to test me more

I look to You

Verse 2

You wanted to change me

To rearrange me

But You saw the fear in my eyes

You reach out and take me

You’ll never forsake me

You make miracles of my life

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge

And when this weary world grabs a hold of me

And all that I see is what I cannot be

God, give me grace

To look to Your face

To eternity

(Repeat Chorus Twice)

Shame

13-07-09

Shame to try and be
Somebody else, and never me
Shame to always wear
A mask without a care
Shame to be alive inside
But always have a need to hide
Shame to write these words a secret
Afraid to in the light repeat it

Shame to have to love my brother
And never dare to love another
Shame to dream all night of you
And have to wake and live untrue
Shame to know you feel the same
But have to find someone to blame
Shame to stand right here and say
But for this cup, I'll still obey

Hold Me

And everybody's happy
With doing what's been done
But I don't wanna be like that
I'm so sick of being wrong

Just hold me
Heal me
You don't have to say a word
I just wanna know that You heard
Kiss me
Kiss deeply
I don't wanna be alone
And Your breath feels like home
Just hold me

Hold me when it feels like
The worst is yet to come
Hold me when my best
Isn't good enough for some

Just hold me

--Julie Greeneyes

The Stone

"Sally told her once that you had to be like a stone because people would chip away at you, and that stone had to be big enough that they would never reach the very heart of you."

--Francine Rivers “Redeeming Love”

Fate, not a friend

22-05-09













Is it what I thought?
Have I dreamt what is real?
Must I learn to recant
Who I love, how I feel?

I did try to warn you
It's always the same
Don't try to change me
I'm trapped in the game

Fate, not a friend
What I'm starting to see
And never, not once
Does she leave me to be

I knew this would happen
Despite what I say
I hate to be right
At the end of the day

What is a woman?

This is written in the Hebrew Talmud, the book where all of the sayings and preachings of Rabbis are conserved over time.

It says:
"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears.
The woman came out of a man's rib.
Not from his feet to be walked on
Not from his head to be superior,
But from the side to be equal.
Under the arm to be protected,
And next to the heart to be loved."

Don't you know it too! ;)

Think again

Written November 11, 2006

Vs 1:
She sits upon the sidewalk waiting
He’s missed their 53rd appointment, Maybe
If she’d walk away, he might come running
Make it worth her while
Make her smile

Bridge:
But I’ve been here before
Had to pick those same blue pieces off the floor

Chorus:
You think he cares, it’s just not fair
You never see him anywhere
He calls to say, had a busy day
And you think that he’s real

You think he’s shy, when his friends pass by
He drops your hand, stares at the sky
He tells you not to wait up late
Then takes your best friend on a date
And you think that he’s real
Say, I know just how you feel

Vs 2:
She throws a shocker party for his birthday
Who knows, that he’d be late
Please stay baby
If she’d walk away, he might come running
Make it worth her while
Make her smile

Repeat Bridge and Chorus

Reminiscing...

24-02-09

I remember
You smiled and you laughed
And you sat and you stared
The first time we met
But I didn’t look twice

I remember
Not thinking of romance
When you moved and you danced
That night by the fire
But I did think, “How nice…”

I remember
When we drank and we talked
And you wooed and I mocked
The time at the bar
And you said you were true

I remember
Then I knew you were nuts
And I knew that I must
After all that I’d heard
Be crazy for liking you too

I remember
I would wait for that tune
From the phone in my room
Every night after night
Cuz your voice made me smile

I remember
When you wouldn’t call
For some reason or all
That strange empty space
And the day, less worthwhile

I remember
We hugged and we kissed
And you said I’d be missed
When time came for goodbye
I thought it must be enough

But I remember it was then
I began to believe
Something’s changed within me
Though I’ve tried to deny
This space that I feel here is love

I Thought of You...

19-02-09

Today at last the sun shone through

The storm clouds of the night

It warmed and dried the rain-soaked ground

And filled our world with light

Which made me think of you

The clock ticked on and morning passed

The kids at school and play

With cheery smiles and twinkling eyes

Begged me to sit and stay

Which made me think of you

At noon, by loving, gentle hands

A sumptuous feast prepared

Fulfilled the hunger deep within

And fun and friendship shared

Which made me think of you

A quiet read upon my bed

I dozed off while I sat

And dreamed a dream that startled me

But pleasantly at that

Which made me think of you

All afternoon we tried and tried

To get to where we may

Have what we thought was what we’d want

Instead God had His way

Which made me think of you

And now it’s evening once again

And tiredly I lie

The moonlight flickers on my cheek

A butterfly floats by

Which makes me think of you

For You, on Valentines...

This is crazy, I know. But, I haven't really been able to stop thinking about you. I'm sure this has happened before, I've just never really dwelt on it. It's never ever been easy for me to come out and say anything that I honestly feel. You know how I am. I don't really really ever feel enough for anyone to actually mention something. Oh well... if this too passes, you'll be the first to say "I told you so..."

I wish you were here
You have no idea
I wish you could see
You have no idea
I wish you could know
How much you mean to me
How much you've changed me
How you've derailed me
How you've shaken what was me
And made of it something bizarre

I wish I could touch
You have no idea
I wish I could taste
You have no idea
I wish you could know
How much you mean to me
How much you've made me rethink
How you've challenged my beliefs
How you've shaken what was me
And made me stand yet taller

I wish you could hear
You have no idea
I wish you were near
You have no idea
I wish you could know
How much you mean to me
How much I crave you
How you've saved me
How you've shaken what was me
And made me who I am now

I know you don't believe in Valentine's Day, but I just wanted to say that I love you and I miss you, more than anything...

Making me Love

01-28-09













It’s been a long long time for me, it’s true
Longer than I would have wished to be
I’ve been through the valleys and ditches and through
The long nights, without liberty

I can’t say regret has softened my heart
Experience has hardened it still
And I don’t see how I’ll let go in part
Cause too long I’ve tasted this pill

But you know I’ll try, even if just for you
Though I won’t lie, it’s killing me to love you
My mind keeps replaying those words you’ve been saying
Those years that have crushed me to be what I am now
Somehow
You’re making me love

You gotta be patient with me, and slow
I may even never surrender it all
Please understand how I am and know
The temptation of you, I’ve seen it all

But you know I’ll try, even if just for you
Though I won’t lie, it’s killing me to love you
My mind keeps replaying those words you’ve been saying
Those years that have crushed me to be what I am now
Somehow
You’re making me love

So here I will go, yet again it seems
To open my heart and conquer my fear
I’ll try and let go of my rules and dreams
And live for today, the last day I’m here

But you know I’ll try, even if just for you
Though I won’t lie, it’s killing me to love you
My mind keeps replaying those words you’ve been saying
Those years that have crushed me to be what I am now
Somehow
You’re making me love